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Onionhead Sales Still Growing

01 Apr 3301

The Federal ban may have been enough to scare the Tanmark Defence Force into purging Lucan Onionhead plantations from their world, but Panem continues to stand defiant.

It’s been only two weeks since the original Onionhead went back on sale in Harvestport, and already the supply has started flowing as far away as Berrivi and Aapelinja.

So far the Federation has done little to stop the resurgence of Onionhead. Political pundits have been quick to suggest that this lethargy is most likely due to the fact that the President is paralysed by her (low) polling numbers. With her numbers so low, any mistake could cost the President her presidency.

President Halsey’s indecision will come as good news for Georgio Algeria and the Kappa Fornacis Famers Union, who will doubtless continue growing credits as quickly as they can in preparation for any potential blowback from the Federation.

Hudson Swears to Succeed Where Halsey Failed!

01 Apr 3301

Appearing on the popular Federal Politics Show, ‘Face the People’, Shadow President Hundson faced some tough questions about his recent criticism of President Halsey.

When asked if he felt it was appropriate for an official of his level to so openly attack a presidential incumbent, Hudson had this to say on the matter:

“Well it’s like this. I feel our nation is in serious jeopardy, in no small part as a direct result of the President’s actions. So far we’ve been lucky. Her incompetence has only led to the deaths of a few hundred thousand Federal citizens. But what’s going to happen when Hengist finally dies and that maniac takes the throne in his place? Will Halsey protect us then? Personally I wouldn’t count on it. So yes, I think valid criticisms of the President’s leadership is absolutely in order at this point”

When asked what he would have done differently to President Halsey, Hudson replied:

“It comes down to proper application of resources. Kids training to protect our nation are kids that are too busy to take drugs or hide away in video games. A well trained military, coupled with proper strategic execution, would ensure Federal dominance throughout occupied space. I mean let’s face it, it doesn’t take a genius to know that if our boys need weapons to win a war, the very least you should do is make sure they have them.”

Princess Arissa Addresses the Nation

01 Apr 3301

In what can only be seen as a result of the attack on her alleged father, Princess Arissa Lavigny-Duval has today broken her long silence in an address to the nation on the steps of the Imperial Palace.

“Honoured citizens of the Empire, my Imperial brothers and sisters, I come before you today not as a Princess or as a Senator, but as a concerned daughter of this nation.”

“In our father’s long absence, certain undesirable elements have sought to usurp the right and just laws which govern our civilisation. Through their dishonourable actions they seek to unravel the delicate threads that bind us together as a great and unified society.”

“The house of Duval will not allow the madness of the few to undo everything that we have struggled so long to achieve. I swear to you, brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers, the Emperor’s protection will stand. You will not live in fear of hunger, of sickness, of weakness or shame.”

“Enemies of the Imperial court beware. This is your one warning. You will not get another.”

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